Treadmill

1/31/11

"This is what I'm running towards.

Right here, this moment now."

Light shone on this notion when I was busy, caught up in you.

A waldo in the crowd

that my eyes refused to give up hoping for,

searching for,

maybe this time or next.

I finally threw my body to the ground,

back to grass,

unclenched fists

and let my face feel the sunshine, pressed pause on my marathon run.

That was the problem all along, how hard it was

to keep up with a girl who never noticed that I was sweating,

out of breathe, face plastered red

from making sure my strides could match her steps.

The fear that you'd forget me if I wasn't in your way

pumped adrenaline to try and fight the fire in my veins,

the pain in my muscles as they cramped and screamed for rest.

I couldn't let you leave me be. That would mean

I was worth forgetting.

that the obsession was one sided.

That it made me crazy, straight jacket lullabies

playing soft in the background.

A haunting suspicion that the first hand I loved

may have been on a mannequins arm.

An unfeeling limb modeled of plastic and paint.

A stoic illusion taking the place of the dictionary I left in my locker,

I forgot i would need it, forgot to use my words.

Let blindness be armor and left swords at the door.

Didn't think i would need it...

guess that's why trust leaves me panting.

Got my tap shoes on but my tiny dancer

wasn't praying for me, just awaiting a better partner.

He came along in August, gently held her fingers,

while effortlessly increasing his lead.

I picked up my pace.

This race was one I could never finish,

took twenty scaped knees to accept it,

feels so good to throw the towel in.

Good riddance.

I'm laying face to sky and all I couldn't notice

while sprinting after a shadow hits like lightening.

A firework of color, an alpine glow of emotion,

a runner's high effect coupled with the freedom flag on my lips,

the smile even God couldn't take,

the beauty in the break that eluded me for centuries -

It's oxygen sweet.

I'll let her go without me, start a walk of my own

where I pick the path, the pace, the playlist.

Cant hardly wait to begin.

But for now I'm happy to soak my bones

in the relief of being anywhere thats present.

Satisfaction finally.

Hey world, get ready-

This one's bound to go places.

Bound to breathe easy.

Bound to smile like i mean it.

Yeah, this one's bound to be.