Its Christmas Eve and all through the house
the ghost of you is shaking chandeliers
and making floorboards creak.
I lie on my back, knowing you roam these walls,
carefully counting down til daylight breaks.
Means dawn has come and YOU must leave.
You never could stand the sun.
Blamed it on a pale complexion,
but I know the rays highlighted imperfections you were too vain to show.
Too nervous that you'd be rejected if seen full on.
Never gave the chance for me to chose,
now you haunt my halls with padded footsteps,
sway by curtains disguised as a draft but
I know you better my love.
No need to mask anything, even truth.
Our understandings went deeper than that,
a holiday in each others arms sweeter than any sugar plum.
You made God matter less cuz you lived in color,
sinned in a rainbow, knew more than others who had swam ashore.
I believed it when you smiled.
And this night, hours before stockings filled with joy
my hands still feel filled with YOU.
Your shoulder, back, cheek all press into my palm
soft and smooth, beats God's grace by a mile cuz
THIS, this is bulletproof
Least it said so in the warranty, lifetime guarantee turned to dust by lines of fine print.
In a poof you were gone, left just one gift.
An embodiment of fears and pain wrapped up in a fucking bow with a card saying
"You were right."
Its been years, I've yet to open the package.
Each Christmas I muster up courage but the box is heavy and you're nowhere in sight.
Its left under the tree until... I don't know when.
Maybe your ghost will take it, make it finally end when it decides it's stay is up
and moves out from this apartment.
But I guess til then its back to counting sheep
with one eye on the clock, tomorrow's Christmas after all
and Santa doesn't come if you don't fall asleep.
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